Thursday Rant: Artificial “Corks” | the drunken bicycle owner

It has been some time since I’ve had an excellent rant. I suppose I might say that I’ve not had a lot to rant about, however that may be far too easy. Within the grand scheme of issues, I’m relatively lucky: two wholesome children, a loving spouse (yeah, surprises me too), and a weblog that’s more and more widespread (if numbers are any indication).

The opposite day, although, I broke my favourite corkscrew. The worm, the curly a part of the corkscrew, snapped as I used to be attempting to extract a cork. I understand that that is what is usually known as a “first world” drawback–however it’s nonetheless an issue, nonetheless.

I’ve opened hundreds of bottles with this corkscrew, so why did it break now? Maybe it was previous and drained (uncertain). The corkscrew might have been of inferior high quality and I used to be on borrowed time (does “Laguiole” imply something to you?). Perhaps it was person error (um, no).

So what was it? Properly, the one factor I can give you is that the cork was not cork in any respect, however was artificial–and people “corks” are infamous for being very troublesome to take away.

That obtained me excited about artificial stoppers: Why do they exist? What’s the idea behind them? Why are they now the scourge of my existence?

First, the positives:

1. Artificial stoppers remove the potential for cork taint. Relying on the supply, cork taint (see corked on the Phrases web page) impacts wherever from 1-10% of wine bottles, and the artificial stopper nearly eliminates cork taint.
2. Artificial stoppers are cheaper than corks. OK, you need to save a buck, I get it.
3. I’ve heard that they’re recyclable. They could be recyclable, however I’m actually undecided if and the way that occurs.
4. I believe I’m out of positives.

Now the negatives:

1. Artificial stoppers are usually not as pliable as cork and may leak. In accordance with Dr. Vinny “Artificial corks are alleged to broaden and seal immediately, however a few of the artificial corks will be agency and never as squishy as pure cork, in order that they don’t rebound as properly after being compressed. I’ve actually come throughout some leaky ones in my expertise….”
2. They simply scream “Low cost!” Let’s face it, each time one thing “pure” is changed by one thing plastic, it’s virtually all the time completed to save cash. I’ve nothing in opposition to saving cash, however I do have one thing in opposition to being low cost. Anytime I take away the foil and see an artificial stopper, I really feel as if I had been deceived.
3. Environmental impression. Positive, artificial stoppers are supposedly recyclable, however they need to be produced within the first place, which has far worse impression on the atmosphere than cork bushes.
4. Restoring the bottle with artificial stopper is nearly not possible. I suppose there are some individuals on the market who don’t end a bottle as soon as open and really need to save the remainder of the wine for a later time (I heard they exist, however I’ve but to satisfy such an individual). Properly, good luck getting that hunk of plastic again within the bottle.
5. An artificial stopper broke my favourite corkscrew. Clearly this can be a unfavorable–I’m distraught. OK, that could be a bit over-the-top (however it’s shut).

Conclusion: Artificial stoppers are type of like civil unions–they declare to carry out the identical objective as the actual factor, however actually, they’re only a low cost imitation.

The reply?

Screw caps are the reply (homosexual marriage analogy breaks down right here, however that’s irrelevant).

My work bench has been taken over by bottles closed with a screw cap–one other bonus: You may retailer them upright!

There are actually some arguments in opposition to screw caps (aka Stelvin Closures):

1. Many individuals see wines closed with a screw cap as low cost. Actually previously, this was the case, however now not. Many prime finish producers (Siduri, Loring, Argyle come to thoughts) have moved to full on Stelvin. Adequate for me.
2. 

   Romantic?

   Some argue that there’s some form of “romantic” attachment to opening a bottle of wine with a cork screw. Look, the screw cap is a greater closure than an artificial stopper. Interval. I take a look at it as progress–simply because it’s new and simpler (see #4) it isn’t “worse”. Is there something romantic about having to show the important thing earlier than beginning a automobile? Or having to really dial a telephone quantity? Or having to re-fill the ice dice trays? No, no, and no.

3. Some declare that screw caps don’t permit the micro-oxygenation of wine, thus stopping its improvement. Individuals who declare that there’s a distinction between cork and a screw prime are probably the identical ones to assert there’s a distinction between vinyl and digital music. Positive, there could be a tiny distinction, however 99.8% of the inhabitants can’t inform (or don’t care). I had a bottle of 2009 Argyle Sprithouse Pinot Noir the opposite day (that was closed with a screw cap) and though I didn’t have the identical wine closed with cork for comparability, the screw cap closed wine was fabulous.
4. Screw caps are exceedingly straightforward to open and they won’t trigger you to interrupt your favourite corkscrew!

In the long run, I can’t see a single purpose to make use of an artificial stopper as an alternative of a screw cap, are you able to?

Artificial stoppers do make for first rate recreation items, although….